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Shame on Her!


Shame on Her!

Now you know, if you’ve been following along for the last little bit, that I am a big supporter of the Gallup StrengthsFinder program. It’s all about self-awareness and growth for you and the people you love, and it can completely change how you see the world. So I share this story with you.

You know sometimes you see people and you just wish something different for them… this weekend I am feeling most blessed. I have a wonderful husband and 2 really great kids (well they are adults now).  And, I had the good fortune to spend this past weekend away with said husband. We did some travelling through Nova Scotia wine country with the goal of focusing completely on each other.

We had a reservation at the beautiful Blomidon Inn in Wolfville NS to celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary. We were having a wonderful time together at dinner when a young couple came in and sat on the other side of the room from us. My first thought was, “how wonderful that they are here together and that they have the means and opportunity to come to a beautiful place like this”. But then very quickly the young lady picked up her cell phone and left the young man completely hanging out by himself. Now my friend Natalie Lockhart ( – check her out!) has a lot to say about cell phones and where their place is in our lives… and I couldn’t agree with her more! Our belief is that they do not belong at the dinner table and especially not at a romantic dinner – this is a time of connection, the act of breaking bread together creates wonderful memorable times… when you are present. 

So he sat stoically for a while waiting for her to put her phone down looking around the restaurant a little uncomfortably … but she didn’t seem to notice. And all he could see of her was the top of her head as she stared down at her phone… after some time he picked up his own phone and proceeded to follow her lead.

I write this today because I come from a completely different place, thinking of almost everything from a perspective of strengths, it broke my heart. It looked to us as though he wanted a connection with her, but she was oblivious to him. … she wanted to be part of whatever was happening in the world of social media… even laughing occasionally to herself about whatever she was reading… he was not included… but here they were at dinner together.. Just the two of them, and yet not!

You know, almost 30 years ago we had our first date, and through all the ups and downs of the last 30 years we would totally choose each other again. We connected years ago and continue to do so regularly… We know each other well, our strengths and weaknesses and there is no other place we would rather be than together. But it has taken years of wanting to be in that space together and getting really good at it. Without the time spent and invested, it isn’t going to happen.

Knowing how you each connect, changes everything… you know when you’re needed and when you are not… or when you can be selfish and when you cannot… now that took some learning… having the desire to learn about each other is, in my opinion, what it takes to make it through the long hall.

I can tell you there is nothing like sitting across from each other, nose to nose and toes to toes, looking into each other’s eyes, talking, reminiscing, and making plans for the future…. Together… just the two of us… forever!  

And that is what I wanted for that young couple, to understand each other, to connect on a deep level and to know what they each need… in a way that works for both of them… Hopefully one day she will put down the phone and realize what is right in front of her, before it’s too late and he finds someone who will stand with him nose to nose and toes to toes…. When you understand who you are and what you need, you can go forward differently with those you love.

Tell me, how do you connect with the ones you love?

Can you relate to this young couple? Struggling with relationships in your life? Come over to my website to learn more and leave your email to connect; I’d love to hear from you!

Cathy Coleman